So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
