You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I wear drunk well.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
