he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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