First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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