I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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