dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
