I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
