Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
