you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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