like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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