Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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