she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
