i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
