you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
