Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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