Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
