i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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