woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
