I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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