I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
