True but thats because hes a fetus.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
