he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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