So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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