Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
