I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Found your dick twin last night
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
