Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
