don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
