mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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