No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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