Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
