There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
