Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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