I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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