Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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