This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
