I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
