the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
