I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
