C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
