he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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