Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
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