put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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