..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
