Cold hands, warm shart.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
