I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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