i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
