We're facebook friends in real life
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
