This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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