I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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