her vagine was all disorganized.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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