just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
