I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
