"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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