dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
