I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think a kid would responsible me up
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
