so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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