So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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