she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
