So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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