Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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