yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
