i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
handjob tips. give me some.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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