note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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