some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
