You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
