You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
