my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
